Pre-Review: Arkham Asylum; A Serious House On Serious Earth

I haven’t read it yet; I’m just showing off that I got it for Christmas. Yes, I, The Lilac Pilgrim, received from my sister, the graphic novel the shop said has been out of print for ages (which, to be fair, it has). The graphic novel which was released in the year of my birth. The Batman graphic novel that basically makes the Joker even more of a raging homosexual than usual. Regard, if you will, the following image. (Note: Eye goggles may be required for sensitive viewers. Not recommended for poker-straight Batman fans with heart conditions)

Oh yeah, awesome stuff. And I’m not even a big fan of the Joker-slash scene. Yes, I have written a couple of fan fics, but there’s been no real slashiness. I… I don’t do that anymore.

So once I’ve read this one, it’ll get a review. Bet you can’t wait. Maybe you should read The Killing Joke while you wait. Why? It’s awesome, that’s why.

Can the Six/Ten debate stop now?

I saw the subtitles for The Dark Knight, he mouths “six”, not “ten”. Mouthing ten wouldn’t even make any sense, anyway. He’s pretending to be shocked; that makes perfect sense.

So to close, The Joker, in response to “…and you killed six of my friends” mouths “Six!”. Okay? That okay to everyone? Good. That is all.

“If The Joker Were Played By Danny DeVito, We Wouldn’t Be Having This Discussion!”

After a good long thought about this, I felt I had to continue to express my own feelings towards the whole Sexy Joker thing.

Someone once said to me in response that if Danny DeVito played the Joker, we wouldn’t be arguing about the sexiness of the Joker. No, no we wouldn’t. And do you know why? You wouldn’t fancy the purple pants off the psychotic killer clown.

You just wouldn’t. DeVito is incredibly talented, I agree. But he’s not really a ”Joker” type, is he? Therefore, you’d probably be more disgusted than entranced. If you did happen to be entranced, I’d still be urging an answer as to why the hell you’d fancy someone who would much rather close the sofa bed with you still in it rather than make love to you on it. Why would you? My whole problem isn’t that you like Heath Ledger, because that I could understand, despite the fact that I didn’t find him attractive. My problem is that some really rabid fangirls continually make excuses for The Joker to show affection, therefore ruining his characterisation. The Joker did NOT show love towards Rachel – HE THREW HER OUT OF A BLOODY WINDOW! THEN he blew her up! He was going to cut her face up, just like he did to Gambol.

So tell me again where the love is? Because the only part of the film he seems to show any emotional dependence on anyone is when he tells Batman: “You complete me.”

I think I’ve done enough Harley Quinn promotion, too.

So there you go. If needs be, I’ll be back with another one of these. And now, The Joker gets his own category. I hope you’re satisfied.

It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like…

…well, right now, it’s difficult to tell. Is that a tree or a twig up in my local Lloyds TSB branch? Hell, my beautiful evergreen tree named Eddie (after Eddie Izzard) looks better with some lazy silver tinsel and a red garland wrapped around him. (more on Eddie the tree later)

So… when does the Christmas season begin? When I was little, I remember lights in the streets, I remember churches doing their part, I remember decorations everywhere! Sure, Christmas had already become corporate, another way for the card makers (and the local Woolworths’) to make money. But if corporate greed means tinsel, fairy lights and all the excitement of a three year old when faced with the prospect of a fat guy with angina and a heart murmur dressed in a half-arsed red and white Coca-Cola loaned outfit handing out wrapped selection boxes at the local shopping centre, I say “yes please!”

I love Christmas so much because I am so excited to have a couple of days off giving gifts to my family. I can’t say what I got them because most are internet literate and know my blog, but let’s just say they’ll be pleasantly surprised this year. Yes, I love buying gifts for people. I don’t know, I’m just that kind of person.

I like sitting down, surrounded by lights and glittery crap, watching bad TV and falling asleep because I’ve eaten too much turkey and duck. I’m a moany wee git, but Christmas is my weakness. The place where I work thinks it’s fine to throw a couple of adhesive decorations on the window and that’s that. We don’t even have radio, so no Slade or Wizzard for me this year.

I mean, what happened, people? What happened to the countdown to Christmas? What happened to Christmas themed comedy? Where’s all the Godawful movies you can’t stand but tolerate every year because it’s tradition? Can’t you at least put Labyrinth on?

It’s not even that long until Christmas is upon us! I can barely wait! (I had better have a copy of The Rise And Fall Of Ziggy Stardust And The Spiders From Mars under the tree this year or else. I’ve wanted the album for ages and was told ’someone might get you it for Christmas’. So I’d better get it.)

But no-one else seems quite so excited. So come on people! It’s Christmas time already! Show some holiday spirit! Don’t make me attack your eyes with pictures of The Goblin King’s crotch. I mean it.